The Why of what we do!
UGGGHHHH! I WAS DONE! I was fed up and exhausted! I did not want to live like this anymore, and I wanted out of the storm. Financially, life was kicking the hell out of me, and I felt like I was failing as a husband, as a father, and a provider. How did we get here? I wasn’t able to give my family the life they deserved, and I was supposed to be taking care of my wife and kids.
This sucked! The bills were mostly paid. We were supplementing income with putting groceries and gas on the credit cards that were close to their limits. We took out personal loans and home equity loans to get ahead. We just fooled ourselves and moved our debt around and kept charging our life away because that’s what you do, right? That’s what everyone does. It’s just the way you do it!
I sat at my little secretary desk in the basement, just getting off duty as a paramedic, trying to balance the checkbook and pay the bills, with tears and frustration of losing all welling up inside. I looked at debt consolidation companies, more loan options, more credit cards, and a second mortgage. A friend suggested filing for bankruptcy. I even looked at my career choices and giving plasma to make ends meet. I was working extra shifts and nothing was working to get us ahead. I looked everywhere except where I needed to and that was ‘Myself.’ I was where I was right now because of the total sum of my mistakes and stupidity with money. My focus was outward and not inward where it needed to be. I had to change; we had to change, and we had some tough choices ahead of us.
Fast forward 5 years and I wish I could say it was all sunshine and rainbows and I just bought a new unicorn for my castle. Nope! In my searching for a solution, I found a Dave Ramsey book called The Total Money Make Over, and we started to get on the same page with money and doing the baby steps. We struggled our way through initially and the budget was not perfect to say the least. In fact, it was a disaster. It was kind of working because we were kind of doing it. Unfortunately, there were other underlying problems in the marriage that became apparent when we tried to get our finances on track. I suggested and we attempted marriage counseling, but after a couple of sessions, it was no longer a mutual effort and my spouse quit going. Over the following year, unresolved differences about seeking help continued to drive us apart, the crevice of a failing marriage was becoming seismic, and led to some not-so-great findings about our relationship. This led us to separation, and then finally a painful, drawn-out, 42-month long divorce that cost us emotionally and financially.
Once the dust settled, I realized I was right back where I started. There is no pause button for life and I was still in debt. My consumer debt was $128,350 and my divorce legal/attorney/mediation/arbitration costs and fees were $103,000, totaling $231,350. I was still living paycheck to paycheck and scared for me and my children’s future and what it was going to look like for us.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I came to terms with the man before me. I had the head knowledge, I had multiple degrees, but none of that mattered. None of that worked before. It was my willingness to really look at the root cause and realize I needed to change how I viewed money. I needed to educate myself and get on a path and stick to it. I made a promise to myself, I am done with debt and it will no longer have control of my life. My mantra throughout and to this day, is “Bison baby. Bison your way through!” In 25 months, I was completely debt free. I paid everything off except my home. I now have my fully funded emergency fund in place, I am investing for retirement, have set my goals, and am on track to retire with dignity and be able to leave a legacy and inheritance for my children’s children. I have freedom that I have never felt before.
I still haven’t bought the unicorn, nor the castle, but if that was something I wanted, I would use the exact same principles that got me to where I am today. What I do have is freedom and peace of mind. I wish I could give you all just a glimpse of the peace I now have. I have learned through my own failures, trials, and unsuccessful attempts. I eventually discovered a path that works. That path forced me to look at myself, reflect on what I was doing and where I wanted to be, what I wanted for my 2 beautiful daughters, and the only way to true financial freedom is without any debt. The common thread through all of it-Like the Bison, you know the storm is there and the best way to through is to face it head on. You need to put your head down, shoulder the burden, make the sacrifices, and keep moving forward, you got to keep going!